Friends, you think you know excitement.
You were excited when the Saints went into the 2010 grand final against Collingwood and then less excited when they drew.
You were excited when you turned 21 only to be less excited when you realised you had to pretend to be responsible.
But you don’t know excitement unless you have been in the middle of 283 cars, 566 drivers and navigators and 400kms of subsonic travel through the world’s most beautiful forests, trees, farms, coasts and cow paddocks, so entrancing that Indonesian entrants Lo Min Cae and Lilian Thoeng drove their beautiful blue Lambo through the blackberry bushes, through a barbed wire fence, coming to rest among the cow pats and tiger snakes.
Of course a new Ferrari decided, rather than take a sharp left hand turn 40 metres after the start, it would go rogue and become at one with very significant pieces of timber much of which was still attached to the large Eucalyptus Regnans known to have a girth of over 21m and referred to as “You-Know-Who” or “He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named”.
Of course, we are talking Targa Tasmania which finishes up at Princess Wharf carpark in Hobart tomorrow tonight.
Friends, Targa Tasmania is a veritable who’s who of this and other country’s great, good and not so good.
Remember Glenn Ridge from Sale of the Century? Turns out he is a sensational wheel man with a very serious 1978 Falcon Cobra. Lynas Corp director Phil Ettienne is among the corporate heavies in a 1958 Porker. Renee Brinkerhoff has brought her 1956 Porker 356 Outlaw all the way from Colorado. John and Jason White look set to take out first in their Dodge Viper. John is one of Australia’s unknown geniuses. He created the now multinational Delta Hydraulics based on his own inventions and now is living the dream with his own Iron House Brewery, distillery and vineyard and motor sport team.
But it was fellow competitors and medicos, Palliative Care Professor David Currow and orthopaedic surgeon Associate Professor John Ireland, who were amazed by Michael McMichael’s lectures before the start of every day and it is believed they will be introducing some aspects of nude faith healing to their practices.
Apart from long stages of over 30kms through some of the world’s most twisty roads which carried a new warning of “serious physical harm or death including total destruction of the vehicle”, we decided that 190 to 200kmh was the safest way through. It wasn’t the safest way for the contents of today’s lunch, which was held in the soon to be built car park of the Burnie sports, recreation and Tasmanian tiger field. Who doesn’t like seven kinds of meat including Tasmanian Devil, Tiger and road kill covered with a gravy that has been carefully stored in the Burnie Museum since the first white settlers arrived in 1865?
But other than projectile vomiting and amoebic dysentery (where the amoeba are able to burrow through the intestinal wall and spread through the bloodstream to infect other organs, such as the liver, lungs and brain) things were pretty hunky dory.
Anyway, long hours in the car lead to thoughts of how to improve this great country of ours.
We have come up with a beauty. Friends, beer consumption in Australia is tragically dropping as young people move to unAustralian bevvies like cider and espresso martinis. Our thought is that, just like free milk was delivered to every primary school nationwide (and left in the summer sun for three hours) we should unite together as one and tell our government to deliver free beer to every school and day care facility to introduce the young ones to a healthier and more nutritious option.