Look, I don’t want to unduly worry you (well, any more than this column does every week) but I think all the signs are showing that the rapture, the end of the world and the apocalypse are pretty well on the way.
Don’t forget Californian psychic, Sheldan Nidle, predicted that the world would end around now. He reckons 16 million space ships will turn up with a host of angels from the photon belt either at David and Jules Dye’s radio station, prestige car dealership and service centre, Perth 3MW, down there north of the river in Osborne Park or at Michael McMichael Motors in Stepney.
Sheldan channelled me to say that he believes the Galactic Federation of Light and unnamed Ascended Masters are swinging towards Perth 3MW rather than Michael’s workshop and nude portrait studio because David and Jules made the mistake of putting solar panels on their roof. “Coal- fired energy actually deters the Federation,” he channelled me. There goes the government’s new energy policy.
Who would have the closest connection to what’s going on in the spiritual universe? Of course the head of the Catholic church, Pope Francis. Like, if anyone had the inside running from the big man or woman or both up in the heavens, it would be Frank.
So last Saturday he sold his own custom Lambo to a Spanish car rental company. This was not just any old Lambo. Frank got the car direct from the factory in November and he had it done up a treat. The one-off Huracan puts out 460kW, is good for 325km/h down Vatican Drive and is painted in Frank’s own colours of bianco monocerus white with gallo tiberino gold leaf accents and twin chrome Lukey mufflers.
Why would he be selling his most prized possession now unless he knew what was coming?
Now, next to Pope Frank, the people who always know what is happening are at Uber and they are working hard to launch a flying taxi service within two years — or in other words, Uber wants to get people into their helicopter-drone hybrids before all the millions of angels from the photon belt are running around clogging up the roads.
If you’re on the ground and own an Audi, you could be in just as much trouble. The VW owned company is recalling 1.16 million four ringers with the 2.0 litre Turbo FSI engines.
If I remember right, this is the second time they have had a go at the problem, which is a crook coolant pump that could set the car on fire. Apart from that, they’re all good.
Anyway, back to RM Sotheby’s Monaco sale, where Frank sold his Lambo for about $1.2 million.
I thought the few stiff Incantatories (homemade citrus syrup, lemon juice, fresh raspberry and gin) at $40 a pop I downed at Le Bar Americain might have taken away the nerves but the sight of such a huge crowd of well-dressed, well-groomed and well-wallet-fuelled men and women and others did put me off my game.
Then the fact that kids’ cars like the 45cc powered Jaguar E-Type adorned in 95,000 hand-applied Swarovski Xirius cut crystals brought $20,000 made me count my American Express travellers cheques. Things got worse when the first real car, a blue and white 1960 Chev Corvette brought 400 grand, then a 1973 Porker 911 Carrera RS 2.7 Lightweight went for $2m and the new owner of the 2015 Bugatti Veyron 16.4 Grand Sport Vitesse paid just $780,000 more. But there was a lot, including some Fezzers, that didn’t sell.
On the Friday night before RM’s sale, we were at well-known frock designer Karl Lagerfeld’s old house, the Villa La Vigie, on Princess Grace Avenue. Bonhams had hired the place for their super auction featuring Ayrton Senna’s Grand Prix-winning McLaren, which brought a tidy $6.5m while another bloody child’s car, a 2018 Bugatti type 35 got $29,000.
Some metal to note: the 1964 Alfa Giulia Spider Veloce at $116,000 and the 1955 Jaguar XK140SE Michelotti Coupe at $561,000. The Jag has a fascinating history. It came out the factory as an original looking XK140 but two years later had a bad prang.
Giovanni Michelotti put his original design on to the body and the interior, instruments, and other details. In 1979, the owner discovered the original engine had been replaced with a C type racing donk. Best of all there is a story that at one stage the Italian Jag was owned by Brigitte Bardot, which to me accounts for at least 90 per cent of the price paid.
You can have all the fun of an auction on the Cote d’Azur at Sydney’s own Saint-Tropez and Positano combined, the lovely Rosehill Gardens Racecourse in two weeks’ time. Shannons are selling more than 70 classics, including a child’s Chev pedal car ($400); some old Holdens for about $30,000 a piece; a beautiful blue 1970 Mustang Boss 429 ($380,000); a 1972 Fezzer 246GT Dino ($550,000); and a marine diver’s brass helmet suitable for this year’s LeMons 24 Hour race ($200,000).
To end on an upbeat note, if the 16 million space ships and angels don’t get you then your keyless ignition will. A New York Times report says that since 2006, more than 25 people have been killed and more made sick by carbon monoxide when they left their cars inadvertently running in the garage.