Do the kiddies and other rels think you’ve drunk all the 23l you made from the Coopers DIY brew kit they gave you for Chrissie?

Do they think you tossed down a few bottles of the Fleur de Miraval ER3 rosé Champagne from Brad and Angelina’s Chateau Miraval as a chaser?

Of course, Balmain readers like Helen, would know B&A are battling in the divorce and other courts about the vineyard in what we call the “War of the Rosé”. But if you do spend $600 on one of the few bottles in Australia you will find the French sparkling “opens on a magnificent bouquet of spring flowers, with notes of peony and hawthorn, interwoven with bright, luscious red fruit such as raspberry and redcurrant. The mouth is exquisitely juicy and full, illuminated with fresh, lemony citrus notes, ruby grapefruit and mandarin, and a subtly diaphanous finish.”

Clearly Brad didn’t take our usual advice and get his hand off it before he wrote the above.

Anyway, I know what you’re murmuring about. Who are the world’s top 20 petrol heads? Well, this month’s BusinessF1mag lists them all. BusinessF1 is the creation of Tom Rubython who sold china and pottery at local markets before starting trade mags, launching Formula 1 magazine with Bernie Ecclestone, launching BusinessF1 in competition with Bernie and writing books including on Ayrton Senna, James Hunt, Barry White and Richard Burton.

Among the 20, much like the total number of readers of this column, are some names well known outside petrol-head land. Number 6 on the list is drummer Nicholas Berkeley Mason. (What do you call a beautiful girl on a drummer’s arm? A tattoo.)

Mr Mason hits the skins for a group called Pink Floyd who play tunes like Ummagumma, Several Species of Small Furry Animals Gathered Together in a Cave and Grooving with a Pict, and Set the Controls for the Heart of the Sun. Strangely enough Mr Mason made money out of these ditties, well enough to buy 40 Fezzers and own one of world’s best quality car collections.

Number 7 is former tie salesperson Ralph Lauren, who sells over $10bn worth of schmutter a year, all with a horse on the front. Ironically, Mr Lauren, invested in cars rather than horsies. His collection is worth a billion and includes a 1962 Ferrari 250 GTO, three McLaren F1s and the most beautiful car in the world – the Bugatti Type 57SC Atlantic.

Last on the list is another band person, Guy Berryman, the bass player for a group called Coldplay who have enjoyed a modicum of success over 20 years. (What are the three most difficult years in a bass player’s life? Second grade.) Apart from a few good tunes, Mr Berryman’s claim to car fame is The Road Rat magazine. You need to be a very serious car person with artistic pretensions (someone like Michel and moi) to pay about $300 a year for four sumptuous editions with contents like VFX artist Josh George’s stunning “digitally sculpted portrait” of Enzo Ferrari and a detailed examination of the Commendatore’s complex relationship with son Dino and the car that carried his name in place of Ferrari’s.

Talking of Ferraris, the latest Hagerty Market Trend sees “anticipation for price increases, which fuelled the boom during the pandemic, has largely left the minds of bidders, resulting in lower prices”. “This is more of a return to normal than it is an implosion of classic car values. The current non-inflation adjusted median sale price is $30,450, a significant drop from its high of $34,560 in October 2022, but it’s really just a reset to October 2020 levels,” it opines.

Fezzers remain a great bet. Hagerty’s Ferrari Market Index saw higher year-over-year growth than any of the other six indices in the Hagerty Price Guide.

“Several sales, both public and private, confirmed that the market hasn’t dropped for Enzo-era Ferraris, especially ones with pedigree. Five Ferraris sold for over $15m this year. Although six brought $15m or more back in 2014, most years don’t see more than one or two, and some years don’t see any.”

Remember I told, sorry suggested, you go and see Ford vs Ferrari even if you weren’t into cars and you ended up loving it. Next month you have to see Michael Mann’s Ferrari.

Yes, there’s lots of expensive 1957 machinery going quickly on the Mille Miglia. Yes, there’s Adam Driver, Penny Cruz and Pat Dempsey. But there’s a good old Italian plot. Enzo, is having a few million problems with wife Penny Cruz, even more problems in his relationship with Piero, his second son from his mistress Lina and his company is going so far south he can hear the bankruptcy bells blaring. So, of course, he puts all the money he doesn’t have on to the Fezzer team winning the 1957 Mille Miglia.

No spoilers but one of his team cars crashes and the Italian government, which, not unusually, was between prime ministers, ordered the end of the Mille Miglia and banned all motor racing on the public roads of Italy.

Thinking of recreating the Mille Miglia in Peppermint Grove? Ok buy a Lancia-Ferrari D50 for $3m, a Maserati 250F for $8m, a Ferrari 335 Sport for $55m and a 315 Sport and $50m and off you go.

Don’t have $120m? Ok just ring Steve Vizard (no relation) and for $6m he will sell you your very own as-new Spitfire. No not the Triumph – even if they gave me $6m I wouldn’t take one. No, I’m talking about the plane the soap dodgers used 83 years ago to see off the Jerries in the Battle of Britain.

Steve’s Airframe Assemblies just needs a piece of metal and a serial number of a Spitfire from 1936 on and 18 months later you can make Tom Cruise look wussy. My hint is to have Steve recreate the 1943 model with the two-stage, two-speed supercharger with a top speed of 731km/h.

Just remember Spitfires were the Tesla of the time with a range of only 400km.

Finally, some recent research indicates safety cameras reduce serious injury and fatal crashes by around 20 per cent each. Good that means the 23.8 per cent increase in fatalities in NSW and the 61.4 per cent increase in South Australia to the end of November would have been even higher. Remember what we said to Brad Pitt.

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